This Candy Bar Has Shrunken

PHIL

THIS CANDY BAR HAS SHRUNKEN

FROM THE SIZE IT USED TO BE

MARTHA

WHAT KIND OF CORPORATE DICTUM

WOULD INFLICT SUCH CRUELTY?

PHIL

I WANT A BABY RUTH, NOT A BONDS NAMED BARRY

MARTHA

DON'T WANT NO KOBE, CAN'T YOU BRING BACK LARRY?

PHIL

I WANT A SEMESTER THAT ENDS ON MEMORIAL DAY

MARTHA

SUMMER THAT GOES UNTIL A FALL FOOTBALL DAY

PHIL

THIS CANDY BAR HAS SHRUNKEN

MARTHA

THAT'S HOW THINGS ARE GOING TODAY

PHIL

I'VE LOST MY ENTHUSIASM

PHIL/MARTHA

WE'RE THROWING IT AWAY

MARTHA

THIS CANDY BAR HAS SHRUNKEN

NOW IT'S BARELY VISIBLE

PHIL

IT'S MOSTLY A WRAPPER AND NOT MUCH ELSE

WHICH LEAVES ME QUITE MISERABLE

MARTHA

I WANT A MOVIE STAR,

PHIL

NOT SOME TV HAS-BEEN

MARTHA

A HEPBURN NAMED AUDREY,

PHIL

OR A HEPBURN NAMED KATHERINE

PHIL/MARTHA

WE WANT SONGS ON THE RADIO THAT DON'T CURSE AT ME

TELEVISION SHOWS THAT ARE ALWAYS FREE

THIS CANDY BAR HAS SHRUNKEN

THAT'S HOW THINGS ARE GOING TODAY

WE’VE LOST MY ENTHUSIASM

WE'RE THROWING IT AWAY

PHIL and MARTHA exit. The kids return.