In My Haunted House

The curtain opens

UNCLE BOB

Hi, I’m Uncle Bob. Not really an uncle. Not even married. Got a girlfriend, or two, but no family, yet. Just the name. I live in this old mansion. Used to be very fancy, but it’s hard to keep up all the maintenance. I help my Grandma. Wait. Did you hear that? Listen.

THE FLOORS CREAK, THE DOORS SQUEAK

THE CAT MEOWS, THE DOG BOWS

THE LIGHTS BLINK, THE PICTURES WINK

THERE'S SOMETHING MOVING 'NEATH THE SINK

IN MY HAUNTED HOUSE

YOU WAKE UP SCREAMING TO START THE DAY

AND THEN YOU START SCREAMING HOW TO GET AWAY

FROM THE BODIES EVERYWHERE

MOTIONLESS THEY SIT AND STARE

MOM AND DAD MAKE QUITE A PAIR

THE FLOORS CREAK, THE DOORS SQUEAK

THE CAT MEOWS, THE DOG BOWS

THE LIGHTS BLINK, THE PICTURES WINK

THERE'S SOMETHING MOVING 'NEATH THE SINK

IN MY HAUNTED HOUSE

YOU CAN'T GET IN

AND YOU CAN'T GET OUT

THE WINDOWS ARE SHUTTERED

AND THE DOORS ARE LOCKED

AND UNCLE BOB IS BREWING YOU

A VERY TASTY MAGIC BREW

TO PUT YOU IN THE MOOD

UPSTAIRS IN THE ATTIC THERE SITS A GIANT TRUNK

INSIDE IT THERE'S A MYSTERY

OR MAYBE IT'S JUST JUNK

BUT IF YOU LISTEN WHEN THE MOON IS JUST RIGHT

YOU'LL HEAR SOME MOANS AND SCREAMS AND BONES

ALL RATTLING FROM INSIDE

The kids around here have heard all about my magic trunk upstairs. Oh yes, they would like to know what’s really inside it. Ha, ha!

BOB exits behind the curtain.